Entry 6 – December 15, 2024

Ryan and I have been watching a lot of House. He hasn’t seen the ending, yet. I binge watched the show in it’s entirety back in 2015 when I was living in the Village. That was a different time for many reasons and I have forgotten most of the show. 

I didn’t forget House and Wilson’s Sherlock/Watson relationship, however. Throughout this series we’ve decided that he is similar to House and I am similar to Wilson. Every now and again House will do something that Ryan would definitely do in real life, and I joke that’s him. He reciprocates when Wilson inevitably does something that I would do. It’s fun. I’ve missed him.

He’s doing much better physically than he was a month ago. Mentally, he’s preparing for the next season where heart surgery is imminent. I’m terrified. 

If you know the ending of House, don’t spoil it yet. I’m certain our fate will be different, but poetically similar. Ride or die.

In the next month or so I’ll be posting more on my social media about a few things I’ve decided to pursue. We will see how that goes. I have, in the past, been notorious for starting things and not finishing them. Since all this happened, it’s forced me to really consider why I don’t end up doing the things I say I want to do. Why do I start things and then not finish them? It’s just a matter of being lazy and setting myself up for failure with unrealistic expectations from the jump. It’s a lack of planning, patience, and devotion.

I must be persistent, because life doesn’t stop.

Maybe if I share my goals I’ll stick with them. I want to win a world title in Brazilian Jujitsu. At some point, I want to sell my book, but I’ve been told that I need more of an online presence in order to be sellable. (This is a good way to start that.) I want to have a job (or own a business) where I can write and have money to treat my friends to vacations.

But ultimately, I can’t wait for that life to come to me. I must be willing to chase it. “Just gotta have faith and keep pushing. Push til you win.” Ryan just said that as I was writing this, and it’s fitting. He’s still unemployed. Our loved ones are aging and dying. We have each other and a handful of friends. We deserve to win.

We all deserve to win. We need each other to get there.

For the first time in over 10 years, my phone is no longer on silent at night. This isn’t an open invitation to call me at all hours, but it is an open invitation to call me anytime you need me. I’m ready to be the person I claim to be. Fighting god, man, or whatever fresh hell tries to do harm.

This will not be what breaks me.